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<\/figure>\n\n\n\nReg fed us all the\ngen on his first night back, over beer and dominoes at the Fox. It\nwas my idea to head up to Coven for advice \u2013 and it caused some\ndebate. We would not, it was quickly agreed, rely on the witches for\ntransport: the last two Wolves fans to do that had spent most of the\n58\/9 championship-winning season watching the Hebridean league. Jack\nDudley was out straight away: he had a hatred of witchcraft in\ngeneral and of the Coven Coven in particular, for what he perceived\nto be long-standing sympathies with our bitter rivals, Stafford Road.\n Also, a plan was already in place to join up with Aberystwyth Wolves\nand sail around Wales and Cornwall to Southampton in a flotilla of\nfifty vessels (an excursion I would be sorry to miss). I tracked\nPercy Belter down begging for change outside the Old Bush in Bilston,\nbut he wouldn\u2019t come. In the end, only I, Dicky Leek and Reg\nCrainey committed to the trip, and we went as a trio up to Coven to\nsecure the services of some adepts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When we got to\nCoven, there was a bit of an atmosphere. The Coven Coven was\nundergoing something of a power-struggle, and the High Priestess was\nitchy about helping outsiders. She offered to sell us some heather\nand a bit of incense but that clearly wasn\u2019t going to do much. \nAfter a tip-off from one of her underlings, we headed out to Coven\nHeath where two renegade witches were performing some mumbo-jumbo\nwith a cauldron and some bats\u2019 wings. Philomena and Agnes, they\nwere called. They offered to help us in exchange for four bob each\nplus expenses, which included the train fare.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We headed down on\nthe Friday before the game, and it wasn\u2019t long before Philomena and\nAgnes started getting on our nerves. They stank out the compartment\non the train, then followed any of us who tried to leave. On the\ntrain and when we got to the New Forest, they engaged in long\ndivination sessions in which they produced Tarot cards in sequence,\nthen laughed to each other. Nothing was shared. They left all the\ninvestigation work to us, slipping away without notice and then\nreappearing, usually just before we entered a pub. They looked a\nsight too, attracting unwanted attention around the villages and even\ncausing us to be refused service in a couple of taprooms.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After a good three\nhours\u2019 snooping, first at Bisterne and then at Burley, we found\nourselves at the Queen\u2019s Head, where the landlord confirmed he knew\nthis Camfry fellow, and sent a lad out with a note from me. Camfry\narrived ten minutes later, an unremarkable chap with a Gladstone bag,\nwho, after ordering a black-and-tan, sat down with us and produced\nthe rattle. Some of the paint remained, showing the dark old gold\nthat the team used to play in back when it had been lost.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMakes a hell of a\nnoise, this durz,\u201d he smiled, before placing it back in the bag.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThey say it keeps\na dragon from this place,\u201d said Dicky Leek.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIrreplaceable\nreally,\u201d said Camfry with a smile.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMy friend would\nagree with you,\u201d I said, \u201cAnd he\u2019s the rightful owner.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSays you,\u201d\nreplied Camfry, clicking the bag closed, \u201cSays you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat if we\nremoved the dragon by other means?\u201d I suggested, offering him a\nCraven \u2018A\u2019 which he took and placed behind his ear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat other means\nare you suggesting?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWitches<\/em>!\u201d\nblarted out Reg Crainey. The pub went silent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou want to be a\nlittle more careful with talk like that,\u201d said Camfry quietly,\n\u201cThere are those round here that don\u2019t like witches. And,\u201d he\nmoved in closer, \u201cthere are also those that don\u2019t like to be\ntalked about.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n I didn\u2019t like the\nway the atmosphere was developing. \u201cIf we can get rid of the\ndragon by other means, will you return the rattle?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI would need\nproof that the Dragon won\u2019t return. It was here for at least five\ncenturies before I scared it away.\u201d He took a long quaff of his\nbeer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cLeave it to us,\u201d\nI replied. And we sat in silence for a while before bidding our\nleave.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When the hags\nrejoined us at some random moment of the late afternoon, I impressed\nupon them the need for efficacy and evidence. Agnes whispered\nsomething in Philomena\u2019s ear and they both laughed. Philomena\nnodded solemnly and told us to prepare for a sacred ritual. We would\ngo into the forest towards nightfall and find a suitable clearing, to\nperform an incantation at midnight. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n I thought of Percy Belter and some of the good times we\u2019d had: beating the Albion; drawing against Leicester; taking flagons of Derbyshire ale into potholes with the Speleologist Squadron\u2026. <\/p>\n\n\n\n So there we were a\nfew hours later, by the light of the moon, deep in the New Forest,\nhaving scat rubbed through our hair by the hag Philomena, as the\ntindersticks flared and our clothes caught, and Agnes dolefully\nincanted,<\/p>\n\n\n\n As the chanting went on I thought of Percy Belter and some of the good times we\u2019d had: beating the Albion; drawing against Leicester; taking flagons of Derbyshire ale into potholes with the Speleologist Squadron\u2026. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Suddenly, there was a crashing sound beyond our clearing. I heard a short shriek from either Philomena or Dicky, and felt the blood drain down my body. Beyond the clearing some ferns twitched, but from them emerged not a dragon but a chubby woman with a jackdaw on her shoulder.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat the bloddy\nhall are yew lot dooin?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n I didn\u2019t know what\nto say, and when I looked for Philomena for guidance she was gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Dicky Leek broke the\nsilence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAunt Sybil?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The figure\napproached, its shapeless fatdress swaying in the heated air. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cDecky? What the\nbloddy hal are yew dooin\u2019 ear?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Dicky explained,\nabout the rattle, the Coven, the train ride, Rhys Camfry and the\nbonfire. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAgnorence. \nStupadity!\u201d said Aunt Sybil, \u201cYer dunner need be naked for annie\nkarnd of wetchcraft.\u201d She told us to find some long switches, and\nhaving done so, we proceeded to fish our clothes out of the bonfire.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cLuke ut steet of\nyer,\u201d she said, shaking her big, round head. The jackdaw crowed. \n\u201cWhy dedn\u2019t yer jost buy thess Rhys Camfry another rattle?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n An alternative plan was quickly taking shape. Dicky\u2019s Aunt Sybil took us in for the night, and the next day she visited Camfry and swapped a bevelled-edged mirror from her antique shop for Belter\u2019s rattle (Camfry refusing to take another rattle in exchange, for some reason). She then replaced the most fire-damaged of our clothing with items from her late husband\u2019s wardrobe, and we headed out to the game. Philomena and Agnes appeared again, outside the ground, and persuaded us to pay their entrance fee; they then spent the whole game cheering on the home side and sneering at us as each goal went in. After a 9-3 mauling (four goals coming from a young Martin Chivers), we retired to the Joiners Arms to drown our sorrows, but when I returned from my fourth visit to the Gents, I couldn\u2019t find the rattle. <\/p>\n\n\n\n A rather miserable\nweekend, all in all, but there are no guarantees with football. \nAnyway, there would be other seasons to find Percy\u2019s rattle, and\nother opportunities to show the Saints who was boss….<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" In my experience, there are only two reasons to be standing in a forest before a bonfire of your own clothes: either someone has deliberately misled you about how to apply for a job in a South Staffs coal mine, or you are on a quest to retrieve an old friend\u2019s football rattle.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":142,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-131","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/131","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=131"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/131\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=131"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=131"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=131"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"\"](\"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/sotonverse-1.png\")
<\/figure>\n\n\n\n