\u201cI want my mate\nback,\u201d I shouted up, the words reverberating in the great hall.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWell you can\u2019t\nhave him,\u201d said the Liver Bird with a taunting tone, \u201cI have a\nvery special guest coming, and I\u2019m serving him for dinner.\u201d He\npaced the raised stone stage slowly, looking down at me, all seven\ndespicable, preening feet of him. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We\u2019d been having quite an enjoyable afternoon until the point where the Liver Bird snatched Jack Dudley. The Honorable and Worthy Peddlars tended to travel in great numbers at that time, before Nobby Clarke, Ken Jessop and other left-wing proselytizers splintered off to form the Internationalist Cyclist Anarchist Collective and Social Club. At a quieter part of the Public Bar, away from Ken and Nobby\u2019s revolutionary chatter and excited talk of our chances of returning to Wembley next May, Jack had been discussing gardening with Dicky Maltley, whose allotment was known as the Eden of Ettingshall. Dicky could go on a bit, it has to be said, and Jack had found himself short of Craven \u2018A\u2019 after doing so much listening, so he\u2019d popped out to a nearby shop for some more. A few minutes later, when Ken Jessop and I were heading out of the pub for the same reason, we saw the giant bird swoop down Barlow Lane and snatch Jack (lighting the first fag of his new packet) by the collar of his overcoat and fly away, like an anti-stork. Ken had resolved to discuss the matter with his comrades immediately, while I had snatched my bike and pedalled furiously after the bird all the way to this oversized mansion in Croxteth. It had taken some time to discover where in the grounds Jack was, and by the time I found him he was stood upon a shelf behind the Liver Bird\u2019s stage, bound by rope. Below him on the stage a large cauldron simmered. It actually smelt quite good but the thought of Jack bubbling away in it turned my stomach. It would be upon me to explain the unfortunate episode to his Margaret, as well, and that thought was hardly appetizing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The Honorable and Worthy Peddlars tended to travel in great numbers at that time, before Nobby Clarke, Ken Jessop and other left-wing proselytizers splintered off to form the Internationalist Cyclist Anarchist Collective and Social Club.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I looked up at the\nLiver Bird. He seemed to be waiting for something.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou can\u2019t cook\nhim,\u201d I protested, \u201cIt\u2019s\u2026 it\u2019s against the law.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHa!\u201d sneered\nthe fowl, all seven foot of him, \u201cHere my will is the only law. \nThough I do pay my rates on this place and they are frankly\nextortionate. Do you have a Labour council where you are from?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019m not talking\npolitics with you,\u201d I said, indignantly, while surreptitiously\nscanning the walls for a way I might scale up to Jack. \u201cAnyway, if\nyou can\u2019t afford the rates why don\u2019t you move somewhere smaller?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt\u2019s mostly a\nquestion of scale,\u201d said the Liver Bird, and as if to illustrate\nhis point he took off and flew around the hall, creating a\nconsiderable breeze with his giant wings, before coming back to rest\non his stage, \u201ca two-up-two-down in Garston isn\u2019t quite suitable\nfor our needs, know what I mean, like?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Was that the royal\n\u2018we\u2019 he was using? Though I wouldn\u2019t have put it past him,\nmore likely there were more of his kind here; I tried to disguise my\nconcern at this and asked some mundane stuff about heating bills,\nmaintenance and the like. On his shelf, Jack struggled against the\nropes while the steam rose in ever denser wafts from the cauldron. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The Liver Otter strolled into the hall, reared up on its hind legs and stirred the pot, tasting the stock and adding a little salt before heading back out the way he\u2019d come.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I didn\u2019t have to\nwait long for my suspicions to be confirmed: after a minute or so of\nthe Liver Bird\u2019s dreary complaints about the cost of lead for the\nroof and the effect that the post-war building programme was having\non the availability of building materials, the Liver Otter strolled\ninto the hall, reared up on its hind legs and stirred the pot,\ntasting the stock and adding a little salt before heading back out\nthe way he\u2019d come.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAnd he doesn\u2019t\ncome cheap, either,\u201d crowed the Liver Bird, lifting his beak up\ntowards the door distainfully. \u201cI think he\u2019s overcharging me on\nthe ingredients, too. Makes a decent enough scouse, though, I\nsuppose.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou didn\u2019t pay\nmuch for today\u2019s ingredients, did you?\u201d I said, calculating my\nchances of scaling the stonework up to Jack\u2019s shelf.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThere are some\nthings money can\u2019t buy,\u201d said the bird.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou know, my\nfriend has a wonderful allotment. I could get you some lovely veg,\nin exchange…\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNever! Any way,\nmy friend doesn\u2019t eat vegetables.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWho else do you\nhave working here?\u201d asked Jack from up on the shelf, fatigued by\nnow with struggling against the ropes for no gain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThe Liver Monkey\ntakes care of the gardens, and the Liver Rat does odd jobs, cleans\nthe windows, builds the fires, that sort of thing. The Liver Pony\nand the Liver Squirrel do the cleaning, and the Liver Cheetah is my\npersonal secretary. Oh, and the Liver Rhino looks after my\nsecurity\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNot any more he\ndoesn\u2019t,\u201d came a deep bass from the entrance. Through the\nimposing double doorway the Liver Rhino entered, followed by the rest\nof the Liver Help and, to my surprise, the Honorable and Worthy\nPeddlars. \u201cAs of today these grounds and properties are under the\nadministration of the Syndicate of Liver Anarchists. Stand down,\nLiver Bird, from the perch of privilege and totalitarianism you have\noccupied for far too long.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat are you\ntalking about, you lumpen dolt?\u201d snapped the Liver Bird.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cComrades Jessop\nand Clarke have opened our eyes to the injustice and exploitation\nthat has been carried out upon us for these many long years. The\nLiver Animals will no longer do your bidding, but will run this place\nas an Anarchist Cooperative. The Liver Monkey is already digging up\nthe flowerbeds with a view to planting some broad beans.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou\u2019d better\nwait for October before planting,\u201d interrupted Dicky Maltley\nquietly, \u201cYou\u2019re a bit early yet.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cCalm down, calm\ndown. You can\u2019t do this. Look at all I\u2019ve done for you, like. \nWhere\u2019s the gratitude, eh? Eh?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
…we pedalled as if we were chasing a thousand Liver Birds…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHere,\u201d said the\nLiver Squirrel, handing him a broom, \u201cGive your beak something\nuseful to do. There\u2019s a cobweb up there in the corner. And untie\nthat human while you\u2019re up there, Comrade.\u201d At this the Liver\nAnarchists and the Honorable and Worthy Peddlars all cheered, and,\nwith a resentful sneer, the Liver Bird took the broom and set to\nwork, first sweeping cobwebs and then freeing Jack Dudley. Once he\u2019d\nreturned him to ground level, and after hearty thanks to Clarke,\nJessop and the other left-wing proselytizers amongst the ranks of the\nH & WP, the Liver Animals set about the cooperative\u2019s first\ncommittee meeting, while we mounted our machines to get over to\nGoodison. The Liver Bird\u2019s guest, the Liver Tiger, arrived just as\nwe were setting off, and Nobby Clarke warned him in no uncertain\nterms that the revolution was inevitable and the Liver Feline would\nput himself in great danger and historical anachronism if he tried\nanything reactionary once we\u2019d left. We pedalled as if we were\nchasing a thousand Liver Birds and arrived just in time for the\nkick-off of a game Cullis\u2019s cup holders would go on to win 2-1: a\ngreat result whatever your politics and up the blooming Wolves! \n<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It was only mid-September, yet if anything Jack Dudley was over-seasoned….<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":325,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-321","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/321","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=321"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/321\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=321"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=321"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=321"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}