{"id":497,"date":"2020-01-18T13:14:05","date_gmt":"2020-01-18T13:14:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/gonbys.com\/?p=497"},"modified":"2020-01-18T13:14:05","modified_gmt":"2020-01-18T13:14:05","slug":"southampton-1968","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/?p=497","title":{"rendered":"Southampton, 1968"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

The 1-1 draw had been thoroughly discussed, and the table in the local pink thoroughly digested (the point meant survival, unless Leicester could score infinite goals in the next two games); and so, as the train pulled out of Southampton, talk in the smoking compartment inevitably returned to the beginning of the day. It was agreed by all that the \u201cmission\u201d could have gone better, but the key error was a matter of debate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe camouflage is what did it,\u201d said AB Reg Crainey with the first puff of his Woodbine. He had been against using army clothing from the start out of loyalty to the Navy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat\u2019s easy to say now,\u201d objected Colin Bridges, whose idea it had been, \u201cbut if we\u2019d been hiding in a hedge in civilian clothing for an hour and a half we\u2019d have probably been spotted and questioned long before.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe whistle,\u201d shaking my head and jemmying a bottle of Pale Ale open with my front door key, \u201cSorry, Colin, but why on earth did you start blowing it? That was supposed to be for negotiation.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNobody runs away from a whistle,\u201d said Colin dismissively, \u201cKids love whistles.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhich is why we were going to offer it in exchange for the rattle, rather than piercing his eardrums with it!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201c\u2018Kids\u2019 \u2013 that was the problem,\u201d came Dicky Toolan\u2019s response, \u201cThe intelligence was inaccurate. We didn\u2019t know what we were dealing with…\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMy intelligence has got us to that blasted rattle twice now. Do not blame the intelligence.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou never said it was a kid!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHow many grown men do you know employed as bird scarers, Dicky?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIn Wolverhampton? None. How did you become an expert in agriculture, Reg? Are they broadcasting The Archers<\/em> on the World Service now, or what?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cCalm down, chaps,\u201d I said, grateful that we had a compartment to ourselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWho started the screaming?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAnyway, I thought the camouflage was for surprise. Why did we all start screaming?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI just did it because everybody else was doing it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWho started the screaming?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was silence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDicky I\u2019m sure it was you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt wasn\u2019t me. I don\u2019t think I even screamed, actually…\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMate, you sounded like a screech owl being tackled by Eddie Clamp!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This brought our current midfield ball-winner to mind. \u201cBailey had another good game today,\u201d I said, and all but Gerry Betts muttered agreement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cPutting to one side the whistling and the screaming for a moment,\u201d said Joey Cutler, in his calm but scratchy tones, \u201cWhy does a twelve-year-old child run away from men in uniform, anyway? I thought boys loved the army…\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe camouflage was obviously effective. He hadn\u2019t seen us and we made him jump.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe were running, too. Had we decided we were running? Was that part of the plan?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo, nobody mentioned running. Or rugby tackling…\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Like a full bath with slow plumbing, which drains imperceptibly at first before every drop learns its fate, and surrenders to it, ever more keenly arriving at the same focal point, the conversation reached its inevitable destiny and the eyes in the compartment \u2013 all but two \u2013 came to rest upon Gerry Betts. His eyes, set in a bright red face, were set at the floor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI slipped,\u201d he said sheepishly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was silence around the compartment, as we watched the Hampshire fields roll past under bright Spring sunlight. I thought of Percy Belter, drying out in the sun in East Park or the shopping parade in Heath Town, his dogsmell becoming fainter but tangier. It was a shame we couldn\u2019t give him his rattle back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNot to worry, Gerry,\u201d I said, opening another bottle. \u201cHow\u2019s the bite?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe dogbite or the kidbite?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Reg chuckled. \u201cThat was a mean old dog,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAnd he could bloomin\u2019 move!\u201d said Joey Cutler.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI can bloomin\u2019 move when there\u2019s a gunshot,\u201d said Dicky.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once the farmer had escorted Gerry into the house, prodding him with his shotgun, we considered paying a more conventional visit to the front door in order both to retrieve our friend and to explain our claim to the rattle the boy was using to scare birds off the fields. But kick-off was upon us and we only had just enough time to make the bus from Battley into Southampton, so we quickly abandoned that idea. We met him after the game, looking rather forlorn on a station bench, still in his fatigues as we had the key to his left luggage. He brightened a bit once he\u2019d got changed and explained that the farmer had demanded instant retribution rather than forbear the law\u2019s delay, and persuaded the village bobby to punch Gerry in the face rather than taking him in. Neither were interested in the story of the rattle\u2019s provenance. Gerry returned to Southampton on foot in ripped fatigues, nursing a quickly-blackening eye in addition to the dog bite on his arm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not too disappointing a day, then, all in all, and by the time we had crossed into Oxford we were looking forward to the next fixture, a visit from high-flying Chelsea with the spectre of relegation all but exorcized.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The quest for Percy Belter’s rattle continues…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":498,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-497","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/497","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=497"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/497\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=497"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=497"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=497"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}