![\"\"](\"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/nutbrown.png\")
<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n\u2018…magic?\u2019 said Nobby, with strained patience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Ar, like magic!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He was a different person, Dicky, with a woman in tow. Personally I preferred this version but Nobby seemed equally irritated by both. Or perhaps it was the ladies. They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder; I can state with some conviction that Philomena\u2019s lifeless left marble had beheld as much beauty as either of Dicky\u2019s working peepers did when he gazed at her gnarled, disdainful features.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018You\u2019re teeth are like gravestones,\u2019 he was cooing to her now, ignoring my invitation to a Woodbine filterless, \u2018and I can smell the rotting flesh that lies beneath them\u2026\u2019 (Philomena took one of my fags without looking). \u2018Philomena, I think I love you; I\u2019ve never felt this way about a woman before.\u2019 That last sentence applied equally to me. I\u2019d felt this way about con artists, belligerant tramps, and illustrations of early mammals \u2013 never a woman. She lit her cigarette, drew deeply and let the smoke drift out slowly from her mouth, \u2018Oh, misty graveyard!\u2019 enthused Dicky, \u2018Oh deep, dark, pleasurable night! Is my pretty cemetary haunted? Are there spirits there?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018You\u2019re teeth are like gravestones,\u2019 he was cooing to her now, \u2018and I can smell the rotting flesh that lies beneath them\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Bit early for spirits,\u2019 said Nobby, quaffing at his Nut Brown.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I don\u2019t know about that!\u2019 countered Philomena, with a cawing voice that would have offered another churchyard simile to Dicky had he been more observant, \u2018Is this friend of yours a good host?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The thought of Philomena and Agnes sharing small talk over sherry and cigars with Szabo and Mosca made me feel a little queasy, but Philomena\u2019s question had far greater implications than that. I flashed a glance to my right, and was caught in the act. Nobby\u2019s face was carmine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018What friend\u2019s this, Gonby? As if I didn\u2019t know\u2026.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I was going to tell you, Nobby. I totally\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018The whole of bloody London at our disposal and once again, two hours in a gloomy back room listening to stories about vampires.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I didn\u2019t know, Nob. I only got his letter this week.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018What is it this time? We\u2019ve already had bloodsuckers, werewolves, not to mention the bleedin\u2019 Csendesek!<\/a><\/em>\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Shh! There\u2019s one over there,\u2019 said Dicky, pointing to the empty window seat next to Nobby.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Very funny,\u2019 I said, \u2018but things have moved on a bit since the last time we were in the Smoke. It\u2019s become a bit more\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018More what?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018I don\u2019t know. More political, I suppose. They\u2019re trying to negotiate some sort of deal.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n In truth, though long, Szabo\u2019s letter was rather vague, or at any rate confusing. I had tried to read it on my lunch break that Thursday, but found myself re-reading paragraphs with no more comprehension, and a good deal more concern. The loops and lines of the copperplate were long, even and elegant, yet still I found it hard to rid myself of the notion that it had been written in an excited state. It spoke of breakthroughs, important intermediaries, clandestine backchannels. It seethed with the possibilities of espionage and ripe betrayal. While, like Nobby, I would rather have chatted about Alan Sunderland\u2019s promise, King John Richards\u2019 hot streak, or the maddening fallibility of Parkes and Pearce in some Fulham Road taproom before the game, I worried for our friend. You don\u2019t want to be heading towards Christmas with too much on your mind, and Szabo seemed to have taken all the burdens of the supernatural world upon his narrow shoulders.<\/p>\n\n\n\n After we\u2019d alighted the tube at Tottenham Court Road and replenished our stock of cigarettes, I appeased Nobby Clarke with a quick pint in the Dog and Duck before we headed to Szabo\u2019s shop on Ganton Street.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The usual gear was still there: Victorian evening wear, shoes stitched by workhouse orphans, shirts by Van Helsing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Mosca heeded the tinkling bell as we entered the shop on Granton Street. He scurried to the counter, nodded, and scurried back to tell his master we were here, and I glanced around in search of some sign of the passage of time in this most static and lifeless of places. To my surprise, I found one; the stock was more varied than it had ever been before. The usual gear was still there: Victorian evening wear, shoes stitched by workhouse orphans, shirts by Van Helsing. But on the far side, Szabo had begun to embrace the times. Lounge suits, safari jackets and high-waisted, wide-cut trousers were displayed, some on modishly bearded mannequins. There was even a little jewellery cabinet in the corner, with medallions and fat gold rings, which Dicky and Philomena were now perusing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Gonby,\u2019 said Szabo warmly, \u2018So wery good of you to come. Mr Clarke, welcome. And Mr. Toolan, you\u2019re looking even less suicidal than the last time I saw you. Who is your friend?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Which Coven?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n I braced myself for some vulgar self-introduction, boastful claims, hollow flirtation, crass mocking \u2013 none of this came.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018I am Philomena Bailey, from Coven.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Which Coven?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018The Coven Coven.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018The Coven Coven?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018The Coven Coven, from Coven, Staffs.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018The Coven Coven from Coven, Staffs?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Well, it\u2019s more of a Coven Heath Coven these days.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018The Coven Heath Coven from Coven, Staffs?<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018The Coven Heath Coven from Coven Heath, Staffs.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018I see.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018I’m originally from Brewood,\u2019 said Agnes in her gruff baritone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Please, come in: there\u2019s someone I\u2019d like you to meet.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n We followed behind Szabo\u2019s tailcoat, into the back room, where a decanter of sherry, crystal glasses, cigars and ash-trays were laid out. Three large maps were spread across the dining table, and, as we entered, a stumpy figure in spectacles suspended his scrutiny of them in order to be introduced.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Gonby, this is Doctor Henry Kissinger. Doctor Kissinger, this is Mr Gonby, Mr Clarke, Mr Toolan, Philomena and Agnes.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Loved your work in Laos,\u2019 said Nobby, darkly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Ignoring the remark, Kissinger squinted at us all in term before asking, \u2018And you are from…?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Coven.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Coven?\u2019 said Kissinger irritably.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Yes. Coven, Staffs.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n I decided to intervene, \u2018They are\u2026 witches,\u2019 I found myself saying, with a hand gesture of helplessness, \u2018…not quite sure why they\u2019re here, actually\u2026, we\u2019re here for the football.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Her\u2019s my girlfriend!\u2019 boasted Dicky.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018We\u2019re just here for the football, really,\u2019 I repeated, glancing at the map.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018My friends will be visiting Chelsea today,\u2019 said Szabo to Kissinger, \u2018I thought perhaps their perspective might be helpful.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Zese are matters,\u2019 said Kissinger gravely, \u2018Zat ze general population cannot hope to understand. Zey are complex. Zey are multi-faceted. Zey require strategy and experience.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Gonby and his friends have first-hand experience of both wampires and werewolves, not to mention the\u2026 other party in this conflict.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n Kissinger looked at him nervously. \u2018Are you sure it is safe to talk here, Szabo?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Don’t worry, Henry,\u2019 said Nobby, \u2018Yow ay in the Oval Office now. The only tapes round here are the ones he uses to measure your inside leg.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n Kissinger leaned over to Szabo and said in hushed impatience, \u2018Vat are zey doing here, Szabo?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018They are walued collix,\u2019 said Szabo quietly, before telling Mosca to \u2018Bring de insulator.\u2019 At this, Kissenger removed his specs and placed them on the mantel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Mosca scuttled off to the kitchenette, returning forthwith with what looked like an enormous transparent plastic bag attached to a mechanical device of some sort. We were all invited to climb into the bag, after which time Mosca sealed it and then activated the device. In a sudden panic, I realized that the device was sucking the air out of the bag, and we would soon be shrink-wrapped against each other. Nobby and Dicky looked similarly scared, while Philomena and Agnes used up the last of our oxygen cackling. Szabo and Kissenger looked at us reasuringly, as we approached their faces (one long and patrician, the other smooth and pudgy). Once we were all huddled together in a space no bigger than our combined volume, and dangerously short of breath, air returned to the capsule and we breathed again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018De Csendesek are still wery much at large, my friends,\u2019 explained Szabo, \u2018Dis device ensures dey cannot hear us.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Going back to\u2026, bottom line, ve need ze Csendesek avay from Sous-Vest London. Antony vants zem out of Vestminster too but \u2013 and don\u2019t kvote me on zis \u2013 zat\u2019s de Brits\u2019 problem, frankly.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018They\u2019re in Westminster?\u2019 I asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Vitehall, ze Houses of Parliament. Zey even sit in ze chambers on kviet days. Like I say, zats a British problem. As far as ve are concerned, keep zem away Grosvenor Skvare; ve can\u2019t have zem evesdropping round zere.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018But what\u2019s that got to do with\u2026, I thought, from what I remember…,’ I checked myself, feeling suddenly that I shouldn’t mention the letter, \u2018\u2026 didn\u2019t you encourage the werewolves to attack the vampires in the first place?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n Kissenger looked at me with suspicion. \u2018Vell, ve vanted zem out of ze City of London,\u2019 he explained, considering for a moment. \u2018Looking back zat was rarzer a hopeless battle. Ve cultivated ze zerevolves to attack zem from ze nors in order to veaken zem in ze east. Also zay\u2019d been feeding in London Zoo vich got a bit unpleasant. Sings have changed now, zo.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Mr Kissinger is over here to broker peace,\u2019 said Szabo, with a proud smile.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The witches cackled at this, until offered another sherry by Szabo, which they accepted with grace and humility. Szabo then remembered that the decanter was outside of the Insulator so the hags would have to wait.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Ze time is right for a ceasefire. It has to be now. Zere is somesink of a stalemate at zis time between ze Csendesek and ze vampires. However, ze verevolves\u2019 attacks from ze norzs have become much more violent lately, and much more successful. Zere was a full moon on Monday and ze carnage in Knightsbridge, oy vey!<\/em> Any more of zat und zere vill be nozink to stop ze Csendesek from moving into Grosvenor Skvare und all ze embassies, for zat matter. Zis cannot happen.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018How can you control it? You say they\u2019re in Westminster already\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n Szabo nodded at this and spoke, \u2018De Csendesek are undetectable to you and me. De werewolves cannot detect dem eider. But dey are wisible to de wampires.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Ve actually use some as security consultants, to check ze embassy for Csendesek,\u2019 said Kissinger.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Dey are de only ones who can stop de Csendesek,\u2019 said Szabo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018And what about the werewolves?\u2019 asked Nobby, reaching for his Senior Service.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018And what about the werewolves?\u2019 asked Nobby, reaching for his Senior Service.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Precisely my concern, Mr Clarke,\u2019 said Szabo, \u2018Please do not smoke in here. Doctor Kissinger, you are, of course, wery experienced in these matters, but de werewolves are our allies. Are we really going to\u2026, what is the expression in English, hang dem up to dry?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Out,\u2019 said Dicky, his arm around Philomena\u2019s neck. They looked like Richards and Gould returning to the centre-circle after scoring a goal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Fock ze verevolves if zey can\u2019t take a joke,\u2019 said Kissinger, \u2018Ve\u2019re not doing missionary work here.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Which is a shame for the werewolves in more ways than one,\u2019 Dicky Toolan pointed out, \u2018All them crosses would have come in handy, I\u2019m sure.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n Szabo\u2019s point was perhaps more salient, \u2018If you stop supplying garlic to de werewolves now, de wampires will destroy dem in a matter or weeks. Please, Henry\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018My friend, I came here only as a matter of courtesy. Ze decision has been made. All zat remains is to dot ze i’s und cross ze t\u2019s viz Crosland und zer Vampire Delegate. Thank you for all your help and advice. Und zer lift, of course.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Of course,\u2019 said Szabo, signalling to Mosca to release us from the Insulator. \u2018\u2018Mosca, bring the landau round,\u2019 he said after we were all breathing the comparatively fresh air of the dingy shop, \u2018My friends,\u2019 turning to us, \u2018I have agreed to give Doctor Kissinger a lift to Brompton Road<\/a>. I hope you don\u2019t mind?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018You know vot fuel prices are like, zese days\u2026\u2019 smiled Kissenger.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018And who\u2019s fault\u2019s that?\u2019 said Nobby.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018We\u2019ll make our own way to the game,\u2019 I said, relieved at the chance to be heading to a pub. Szabo\u2019s was never a particularly upbeat pre-match environment, but today\u2019s visit had left us all feeling low and frustrated. We followed Szabo and Kissinger out of the shop, and watched them head to the carriage parked up on the corner of Marshall Street, while passing around those long-awaited Woodbines and taking turns with Nobby\u2019s lighter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n There was a tapping sound. I looked around. A man in a dark blue uniform was knocking at Szabo\u2019s door.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018He\u2019s out, mate,\u2019 I said to him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Telegram for Gonby?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Oh, that\u2019s me.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Who knows you\u2019re here?\u2019 asked Nobby.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018No-one,\u2019 I said, tipping the boy. I took a draw on my Woodbine and opened it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n IF KISSINGERS DEAL IS BAD I SHALL GET VAMPIRES TO STAMFORD BRIDGE STOP DO WHAT YOU CAN = SZABO.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Let\u2019s find a pub,\u2019 I said, burying the telegram in the right pocket of my overcoat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/kissandwolfbnw-1024x776.png\")
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/embassy.png\")