{"id":707,"date":"2020-09-27T13:25:07","date_gmt":"2020-09-27T13:25:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/gonbys.com\/?p=707"},"modified":"2020-09-27T13:25:07","modified_gmt":"2020-09-27T13:25:07","slug":"west-ham-united-1962","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/?p=707","title":{"rendered":"West Ham United, 1962"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

It hadn\u2019t been a good summer, and, if history was anything to go by, it wasn\u2019t likely to be a good Saturday. Wolves had never taken a single point from the Boleyn Ground, and had only scored in two \u2013 quite recent \u2013 matches. The previous season, we\u2019d been spanked five-nothing. Yet as the train steamed into a boarded-up Euston station and we filed out past temporary buildings into the dismal London August, I couldn\u2019t help feeling excited, more excited, in fact, than I would have done for any ordinary away match in the Smoke. For not only were we going to watch the Wolves, we were also going to listen to the very best amateur poets East London and South Staffordshire could provide, in what promised to be the most thrilling installment of the Boleyn Tavern Debates.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The tradition had begun in the twenties, as the Hammers looked for promotion from the second division, and Wolves trod water there under the listless stewardship of Jack Addenbrooke. With Wolves unable even to score at the Boleyn Ground (or do anything but lose at Molineux), discussions sprang up around the pubs of Wolverhampton about the ethics of betting against one\u2019s own team in order for the inevitable pain of defeat to be alleviated. According to legend, such a conversation was overheard by a West Ham supporter during a pre-away-match session in the Boleyn Tavern, who, along with his fellow drinkers, joined in. Thus, the classic four-way debate format was established, and grew until the Hammers\u2019 promotion in 1922.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the teams\u2019 paths crossed again, however, it was decided that the format needed some rejuvenation. Enter Norbert Prateworthy, the only man known to have asked for sherry in the Chequer Ball and nominal spokesman for the Contented Young Chaps, a group of amateur poets aligning themselves against the more modish social-realist tendencies of the day. He and his group decided the well-worn arguments could be efficiently spruced up by classical formalism, and thus the diehards and bookies\u2019 plants who used to debate the matter gave way to the Contented Young Fellows and other poets\u2019 circles from Whitmore Reans, Wednesfield, East Ham and Barking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I hadn\u2019t heard of their opponents, but they were apparently well regarded in the literary circles of Canning Town and Plaistow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This year\u2019s contest featured Norbert himself, along with the wheel-tapper and self-styled Petrarch of Park Dale, Natty Strong, who would be arguing for and against the motion: \u201cLump on West Ham to Win\u201d in sonnet form. I hadn\u2019t heard of their opponents, but they were apparently well regarded in the literary circles of Canning Town and Plaistow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018All right, Norbert,\u2019 I said as we arrived at the pub, ten minutes before the first argument.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Gonby,\u2019 smiled Norbert paternally, smoking a Senior Service through an ivory holder, \u2018Jack.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Nobby,\u2019 said Jack Dudley, blankly. All set?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Set? Why yes,\u2019 replied Norbert, \u2018One really has no choice. A sonnet can hardly be rattled off ad lib<\/em>\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018What are we going for?\u2019 I asked, \u2018English or Italian?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018A little innovation of my own,\u2019 replied Norbert.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I didn\u2019t like the sound of this, \u2018But isn\u2019t the judge Bless\u00e8d Graves? He\u2019s not going to like too much bugg\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Leave this to me, Gonby,\u2019 came the reply, calmly patrician, \u2018I was once complemented by William Butler Yeats, you know…\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018On a tie you were wearing!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Nevertheless\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Neverthemore,\u2019 replied Jack, and we decided to leave it there. In any case the chairman was banging out a churchwarden pipe which gave a gavel-like authority to the proceedings. The crowd hushed and his curt preamble followed immediately.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018The motion is \u201cLump on the Irons\u201d.\u2019 Arguing in favour, for Wolverhampton Wanderers: Norbert Prateworthy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a round of applause, a couple of brain-rattling whistles and a cry of \u201cCome on me babbies!\u201d Bless\u00e8d was filling his pipe by now and thus could not bang it, but things settled down to a hush before Norbert began.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

'Is all that I could give thee given yet?\nIn Saturdays and shillings have I paid\nWhat I have pledged? Thou wouldst not feel betrayed\nIf I said halt! No more! And bet\nUpon West Ham to beat thee as they e\u2019er\nHave done, \u2018tis true, and yet I would feel shame\nTo have, though not by much, but for one game\nAllowed a single part of me rejoice in thy despair.\nAnd yet one must be wise to what is fact:\nWe never win nor draw here. We always lose\nThe money spent on cigarettes and booze\nIs lost for zero gain, and thus the pact\nThat I have sworn to you I this day choose\nTo break and say, \u201cTen bob on Wolves to lose!\u201d'<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
Loud and generous applause followed; and not only from Wolves fans. I was relieved that Norbert\u2019s \u2018innovation\u2019 only extended to the rhyme scheme, and what I considered a rather harmonious blend of the Petrarchan and the Elizabethan. Jack and I nodded positively to each other. Nothing much for Graves to take issue with and a fine delivery, to boot. Jack pushed his way to the bar for another round while a burly dockworker stood up and approached Bless\u00e8d\u2019s table.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Arguing for the motion for West Ham United: Billy O\u2019Hearn.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Oh you Irons, Oh you Hammers, oh you\nWest Ham. You are as glorious as eels\nOn Saturday. My favourite day. It feels\nJust like a holiday. You cannot do\nNo wrong in my eyes, boys. You don\u2019t always\nWin, of course, and though your record \u2018gainst Wolves\nIs perfect, \u2018tis still unsure. It involves\nThe lady Fortune and her fickle ways.\nStill I don\u2019t care. I\u2019m West Ham through and through\nI\u2019ll bet upon you like I always do.\nThe bookmaker\u2019s on Green Street sees my trade,\nSince Harold the new Gaming Act has made\nAnd with the mighty Irons marching on,\nI\u2019ll put two guineas down and make a bomb!\u2019<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
Applause more polite than enthusiastic greeted the fourteenth line. This was a good deal more generous than the sniggers that had greeted the messed-up iambs of the first line or the ham-fisted volta<\/em>, not to mention the unwarranted reference to current affairs. \u2018This looks like a whitewash,\u2019 I muttered to Jack as he passed me my pint.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n
Jack nodded, \u2018Just need Natty to keep things tight second half.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Arguing against the motion for Wolverhampton Wanderers: Nathaniel Strong.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Wild applause from the Chapel Ash and Park Dale contingent followed, with shouts of \u201cGerrintoem, Natty!\u2019 and, once again, \u2018Come on me babbies!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018The eyes that guide the hand that holds the pen\nThat writes these lines have for so long discerned\nNo point from Upton Park can e\u2019er be earned\nWe\u2019ve seen it proven time and time again.\nThe broken hearts of countless boys and men\nHave kept the score, each lesson gravely learned.\nAnd thus as far as wagers are concerned\nTo bet on a home win makes perfect sense.\nUnless, that is, last Saturday, you saw\nFarmer knock four past Trautmann. What a man!\nHe\u2019ll break the curse if any player can.\nAnd thus the painful tears of years before\nShall all be comforted and wiped away\nSmart money is on Wolves to win today!\u2019<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
As the applause rang out, Natty played to the gallery, with extended bows and a couple of provocative hand-gestures designed to rattle his opponent, a bookish-looking weed already on his feet and looking nervous.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Arguing against the motion for West Ham United: Peter Black.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Sooner or later\u2019s a rule of nature\nThat cannot be ignored. One day they will\nPrevail, these filthy northern imbeciles\nWith zoological nomenclature.\nWhy not today? They\u2019re a good side\nAnd just beat City eight-to-one, while we\nLost to the Villa. Sixty-two could be\nThe year they take away our hard-won pride.\nNow, wins in football cannot just be bought\nBut must with heads and feet and studs be fought\nWhat can be bought is beer and cigarettes\nWhich can console a West Ham fan upset\nBy home defeat. And so I take this crown,\nAnd on a West Ham loss I put it down!\u2019<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Rubbish!\u2019 shouted Jack, applauding. I couldn\u2019t help but agree, as did dozens of men in the public bar. From the first trochee to the intrusive \u2018just\u2019 shoehorned in to fix the meter of the crucial ninth line, it rivalled last year\u2019s final Haiku for sheer clumsiness. I peered over Chimdy Potts\u2019 shoulder to see Peter Black\u2019s manuscript, half expecting it to be scrawled on the back of a fag-packet. Instead, though, I saw the \u2018poet\u2019 shaking hands vigorously with his team mate, Billy O\u2019Hearn, and waving towards the home fans by the toilet to the Gents\u2019. Had they not heard the boos? Deafness, I supposed, would partly explain the illiteracy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018\u201cEight-to-one,\u201d\u2019 chortled Jack, referring to the clumsy sixth line, \u2018I thought, \u201cIs that the time?\u201d\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Easy! Easy!\u2019 shouted the Chapel Ash lot…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Easy! Easy!\u2019 shouted the Chapel Ash lot, yet still the Bless\u00e8d Graves didn\u2019t announce his decision. I looked around. The celebrations became muted, then stopped altogether. Had we won or hadn\u2019t we? And if we hadn\u2019t, why not?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018The winner: West Ham United!\u2019 announced Graves, to boos and obscenities from the bar area. \u2018Y\u2019am a disgrace, Chairman!\u2019 shouted Jack, while Norbert and Natty surrounded him, demanding explanations. Tensions began to rise and the more peaceful-minded spectators, Jack, Chimdy, Dickey Toolan and myself, retired to a quieter hostelry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It might well have been the decision that killed the Boleyn Tavern Debates; we will never know. For Wolves ran away 4-1 victors that afternoon and the notion of a comfort bet, became less of a talking point as the actual result in years to come.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
All in all, a bitter afternoon, only slightly improved by the Wolves score. Are you reading, Bless\u00e8d Graves? I hope you can live with what you did! Up the amateur poets of South Staffordshire! Your fight and greater technical skill will never be forgotten!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
We couldn’t win a match at Upton Park.  We couldn’t lose a debate in sonnet form.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":714,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[25,53,58,84,122],"class_list":["post-707","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-boleyn-tavern","tag-formalism","tag-jack-dudley","tag-poetry","tag-wolves"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/707","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=707"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/707\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=707"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=707"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=707"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}