{"id":792,"date":"2021-02-18T18:56:22","date_gmt":"2021-02-18T18:56:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/gonbys.com\/?p=792"},"modified":"2021-02-18T18:56:22","modified_gmt":"2021-02-18T18:56:22","slug":"leeds-city-h-1919","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/?p=792","title":{"rendered":"Leeds City (H), 1919"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

For the full story of how Gonby and Dudley became stranded in Leeds, see Leeds City, 1919<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was the Monday morning before I ran into the Dunstall Dada again. Matthieu Noir (a.k.a. Matty Black) was at the baker\u2019s when I went in to pick up a loaf. He looked extremely tired.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Ah\u2019m sleeping on ze streets, actuellement,\u2019 he said. \u2018Capitalism has crushed me.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This line of argument was too facile to even engage with, so rather than pointing out that capitalism had in no way forced him to disassemble and give away the vehicle which we had both been relying on to get back to our comfortable homes in Wolverhampton, I asked what he knew about the final destination of the parts he\u2019d given away in the Market Square that Saturday.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Ze artistic act was ze important sing,\u2019 he said wearily. \u2018I do not care about any bourgeouis narrative sat follows it.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018You\u2019ve not seen any of the parts about?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Aucune id\u00e9e. And don\u2019t ask anybody else in ze Dada because zey have no clue eazer.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I left it there, picked up my bloomer and headed to a nearby newsagent\u2019s for some Woodbines and a Herald. The sun was shining, though more than a slight tinge of autumn was in the air as I strolled back to Elland Road.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Herbert Chapman was allowing Jack and me to stay in a janitor\u2019s closet in the West Stand in exchange for any information we could obtain about the components of the Dada\u2019s random charabanc. I had come up with some leads the day before, and Jack had actually found two spark plugs discarded on Great George Street, but having no float to obtain the parts ourselves, and no way to contact the Chairman, things were very slow. The Herald suggested an end to the national rail strike was not in sight, and the unthinkable idea of missing a home game that Saturday grew more real with every minute.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Chapman\u2019s deputy, Joseph Connor, arrived to lead a training session at ten o\u2019clock. I asked him where I could find the boss.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018I shall be seeing him leeter,\u2019 said Connor quietly, \u2018Let me know what you know and I\u2019ll pass the message along.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This sounded strange. \u2018It\u2019s rather complicated\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Do I look stupid? Do you think I cannot grasp complicated matters?\u2019 he checked his tone, \u2018I\u2019ll pass it on, don\u2019t you worry.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018It\u2019s complicated,\u2019 I repeated, \u2018I\u2019ll need to write it down.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018You do that,\u2019 said Connor, heading for the dressing room. \u2018I\u2019ll pick it up after training.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I quickly penned a decoy note to leave with Jack. \u2018If he wants the spark plugs, Jack, let him have them. We need something more substantial, quickly, and I get the feeling Mr. Connor is not going to help.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Borrowing one of the player\u2019s bicycles, I headed out on a tour of scrap yards and workshops. I entered Bostock and Baker just as Dave Begley (alias Klaus Weiss of Werd, Zurich) was leaving, steering wheel in hand and still wearing the urine-soaked antlers he had arrived in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018What on earth are you doing with that, Dave?\u2019 I asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He looked nervous. \u2018Sculpture,\u2019 he said, finally.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Sculpture?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Yes. Assembling\u2026,\u2019 he was mumbling now, \u2018some\u2026 random objects\u2026 scrap, etc\u2026 representational form. Sculpture.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was suspicious. Not only was that no random steering wheel, but the concept sounded far too ordered, too cubist for the Dunstall Dada.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Can I help you?\u2019 asked the mechanic, blackened by grease as he impaled a note on his desk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018A question, really,\u2019 I said, still watching Dave Begley\u2019s progress down the street.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Fire away.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018If I was trying to reassemble a vehicle that had been broken up for parts, what should I start with?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The concept sounded far too cubist for the Dunstall Dada.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018The engine block, I should say. Unless\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Unless what?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018If the vehicle in question were unusual \u2013 say a particularly\u2026 large?… vehicle. Then you might want to get hold of the chassis first.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018I see. And would you happen to have\u2026 a particularly\u2026 large?… chassis of any kind?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018I don\u2019t know why you\u2019re whispering, mate. The world and his Auntie Flo knows about the big charabanc that clot broke up on Saturday. It\u2019s the scandal of the West Riding at the minute.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Fair enough. Do you know where the chassis is?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Aye, it\u2019s out back. That smelly chappie is coming back for it this afternoon.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018How on earth did he pay for it?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018On account. A Mr. Cripps, I believe.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I met Jack Dudley in the Malt Shovel at one. He had successfully passed the decoy note to Connor, but we were unsure as to our next move. We couldn\u2019t even be sure that Connor was working against Chapman; if it turned out that he wasn\u2019t, the false information we had provided might well see us evicted from the janitor\u2019s cupboard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

George Cripps\u2019 involvement was, in contrast, definitely nefarious. Chapman\u2019s disgruntled former assistant, paid off to keep quiet about illegal payments to players, shared a lawyer with the very player who was keeping anything but quiet on the matter. What he could possibly want with a charabanc, while he was busy making enemies throughout Leeds, was a complete mystery.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018What if he doesn\u2019t want a charabanc?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018What do you mean,\u2019 said Jack, passing me a Senior Service.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018What if he just doesn\u2019t want Chapman to build one?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Then why buy the steering wheel? It would be enough to hold the chassis to ransom.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At this point a fight broke out in the public bar and so we hurried down our pints and retired to the Three Legs. Herbert Chapman was enjoying a cigar at a table in the window.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Bloody Cripps,\u2019 he said, when I told him. \u2018He won\u2019t get away with this!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Joseph Connor was asking for information earlier,\u2019 I said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018I\u2019ll bet,\u2019 said Chapman. He stared out the window for a moment. \u2018He could be useful, to tell you the truth. Steer him towards the body parts, transmission if you have to, but do not tip him off about the engine.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018But he\u2019ll find it himself, sooner or later. We need to buy it.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Just keep enquiring. I\u2019ll deal with the financial side.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapman departed for a meeting shortly afterwards, and left us two bob. When I got back from the bar, Jack was looking miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018I just want to get back,\u2019 he said. \u2018I can\u2019t live like this.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018I know,\u2019 I said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

\u2018I\u2019ve got rent due soon,\u2019 he continued, \u2018And then there\u2019s Margaret\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018We do not cry for Mummy; we make Mummy cry for us!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I shuddered, and not just at the invocation. A sudden draft had entered the public bar, along with a handbrake and the Dunstall Dada.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018So zere we have it!\u2019 said Matthieu Noir, \u2018Ze forces of reactionary philistinism and zere passetic non-French cigarettes!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018What on earth is the matter with you?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Bostock told me everything! Your plans to build ze charabanc and make it less random! Zis cannot happen!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018We just want to get home, Matty!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Do not stain the conversation with zat bourgeouis notion, Gonby! We do not cry for Mummy; we make Mummy cry for us!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018You want a game of doms?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018\u2026 maybe?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Ask if they\u2019ve got any behind the bar. And mine\u2019s a pint.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Mine too,\u2019 said Jack, moving the table away from the window to better accommodate the game.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dic-Dat aside, the Dada were not strong domino players, but neither were they weak drinkers. Numerous rounds failed to loosen their tongues vis-\u00e0-vis the charabanc. After about an hour, a shadowy figure entered the Three Legs, and as one the Dada straightened their backs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Taking a short break, boys?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Matthieu Noir looked down at the table. \u2018Just a short one, Mr Cripps.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Good. Good. Who are your friends?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018I am Gonby, from Wolverhampton, Staffs. And this is Jack Dudley.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Oh, I\u2019ve heard about you two,\u2019 said Cripps, distantly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018All good, I hope.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Not really. Sort of pathetic, really. \u201cMeddling in Leeds City affairs when they\u2019re not in any way connected to the club,\u201d \u201cAsking impertinent questions.\u201d \u201cEnquiring about automobile parts they have no use for\u201d, that sort of thing, you know\u2026. \u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018And what is your connection to Leeds City at the moment, Mr Cripps?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Ah\u2019m afraid ah cannot tell you that, Mr Gonbeh. That is between me and the relevent parties?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Well, good luck finding an engine!\u2019 blurted Jack.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u25a1 \u25a1 \u25a1 \u25a1 \u25a1<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018That was not especially clever, Jack,\u2019 I said to him as we hit the streets again, \u2018I\u2019m fairly sure Mr Chapman wished to keep his strategy secret.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018I know, Gonby,\u2019 said Jack, \u2018but that Cripps fellow didn\u2019t half wind me up. Who does he think he is?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Well, he thinks he\u2019s the boss of the Dada, for starters. And with good reason. We know he received a fairly generous settlement from Leeds City F.C., and that he shares a lawyer with this Coleman chap that\u2019s kicked up such a stink.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Sorry, Gonby.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Not to worry. We\u2019ll see what Chapman has to say later. In the meantime, some chap in the gents told me I\u2019d be advised to stop in at the Griffin, by the station. Reckons there\u2019s another consortium buying charabanc parts that meets there of an afternoon.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The consortium in question, which was calling itself \u2018Leeds United\u2019, had already acquired two wheels and a door handle, but were less secretive than the Cripps. They knew, for example, that Dic-Dat had tracked three bench seats down very early on and the Dada were using them as beds in a disused stable off Kirkgate. They also knew the whereabouts of the front axle, but were confident they could build an entirely new one for half the price.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018But what\u2019s your interest in all this?\u2019 I asked Eli Harding, who had provided the above information.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018These are the death throes of Leeds City. We\u2019re looking more long-term. If we can get the charabanc built for Saturday, great: we\u2019ll hire it out to the football team, make a killing, and there\u2019s money in the bank for when we form our own club. If we don\u2019t build it, we\u2019ll have stopped Leeds City from doing so, possibly hastening their demise. If they cannot fulfil their fixture on Saturday that will only upset the Football League more.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Would you consider selling out to Leeds City?\u2019 asked Jack, struggling to remain hopeful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018If the price was right it might be convenient,\u2019 said Harding, \u2018It would be a lifeline for them short-term, of course, but in terms of the long-game it could be worth it for us.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018What about the Dada?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Harding shook his head. \u2018I\u2019m an artist myself. Amateur, that is. Watercolours, landscapes, the odd family portait\u2026\u2019 he took a cigarette from Jack and lit it with his own match, \u2018And I will have nothing at all to do with such non-representational tendencies and pretentious politicizations,\u2019 his voice was raised now, \u2018How dare they come up to Yorkshire and try to tell us how to paint?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Calm down, Eli,\u2019 called the landlord from behind the bar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u25a1 \u25a1 \u25a1 \u25a1 \u25a1<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Things seemed to be moving very quickly, but nothing had prepared us for the cries of pain emanating from the changing rooms when we got back to the West Stand. We decided things had gone far enough, and we would begin walking back to Wolverhampton immediately, but before we had reached the door Herbert Chapman appeared in front of us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018We\u2019re not goons, Mr Chapman,\u2019 said Jack. Chapman laughed. \u2018Of course not, Mr Dudley,\u2019 he said quietly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018I\u2019ve just been talking to Joe Connor,\u2019 he said genially, \u2018It turns out he\u2019s got hold of a number of useful parts, which he has kindly let us have. He is also willing to negotiate with the Dada.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018And you trust him?\u2019 I asked. Some weeping could still be heard up the corridor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Yes, I think so. In any case I want to keep some distance from this affair. It has already got a little too ugly for my taste.\u2019 He wiped his hands on a handkerchief, which I noticed was stained red in places.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Are you aware of this Leeds United consortium that has been formed?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapman raised his eyebrows. \u2018I think Connor might have mentioned it. He\u2019s going to handle all that, too. Just be advised we may still need your help. This sort of negotiation often entails a\u2026 physical contribution, somewhere down the line.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018We\u2019re not goons, Mr Chapman,\u2019 said Jack Dudley.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapman laughed. \u2018Of course not, Mr Dudley,\u2019 he said quietly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u25a1 \u25a1 \u25a1 \u25a1 \u25a1<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The \u2018physical contribution\u2019 turned out to be the building of a gravity-powered go-cart, using the parts of the charabanc that each team had managed to assemble, along with any bits and bobs it could source elsewhere, to be driven in a winner-takes-all race down North Grange Road, Headingley. With almost no original components to our name, we were able to construct \u2018The Peacock\u2019 using advantageous components such as perambulator wheels, but with a high terminal velocity due to the presence of the engine block, which Herbert Chapman had managed to procure. This, combined with skilled and fearless piloting by Jack Dudley, brought victory on a glorious Friday afternoon, despite a late surge from the heavier \u2018Revolution and Nothing\u2019, whose driver suffered two broken arms and shocking reviews in the West Riding Fine Arts Review.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

That night, with help from members of the Leeds United consortium and the skilled mechanics of Bostock and Baker, we managed to rebuild the entire charabanc in time to set off for Molineux with the City team and the Dunstall Dada after breakfast the next morning. Despite the rather arduous journey, the visitors were better prepared than the Wolves, and ran out comfortable victors thanks to a hat-trick from Billy McLeod and a goal from Lamph. It would be Leeds City\u2019s final match, though we didn\u2019t know that as we waved the charabanc goodbye.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Despite the scoreline, and calls for Jack Addenbrooke\u2019s head from the usual volatile sections of the Cowshed, it felt good to be home, and I swore I\u2019d never leave Wolverhampton again, at least until we travelled to Bury the following week.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Dunstall Dada have disassembled the Random Charabanc. Charlie Copeland is disassembling Leeds City. Gonby and Dudley just want to go (H).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":797,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[35,43,46,52,56,58,63,64,122],"class_list":["post-792","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-charabanc","tag-cripps","tag-dada","tag-football-league","tag-herbert-chapman","tag-jack-dudley","tag-leeds","tag-leeds-city","tag-wolves"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/792","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=792"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/792\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=792"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=792"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=792"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}