\u2018Bloody guwowees, now!\u2019 muttered Chimdy to me, with a roll of the eyes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I smiled and reached for my Senior Service. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Though the game we were meandering to at the City Ground was largely meaningless, with Wolves already relegated and Forest with nothing to play for but a fourth-place finish in the days when that meant as much as a 22nd<\/sup> place finish, for The Vehicular Carpenters and Conifer Conveyance Constructors of Codsall and Castlecroft (VCCCCCC) it was a top-of-the-table clash \u2013 even, perhaps, a cup final. After strong local showings against Cannock Chase Coniferous Conveyors and the confusingly-named Pendeford Pine Perambulators (they were actually from Aldersley) they suddenly found themselves facing the giants of the game, a team so steeped in history that to visit their home ground was to take a soak yourself in the primeval soup of log-carting as a sport. <\/p>\n\n\n\n And the VCCCCCC were getting a bit giddy about it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It had started, naturally enough, with Robin Hood. Bob Whitehead had claimed a distant relative was Friar Tuck, which caused merriment among the men as \u2018Friars day have girlfriends.\u2019 Bob argued that Friar Tuck was a renegade, had more girlfriends than \u2018Handsome\u2019 Joey Briggs (though a Wednesfield lad, Joey\u2019s reputation reached across the town) and that it had been he, rather than Robin Hood, who had successfully wooed Maid Marian. The truck driver, Wally Harburst, pulled in at Brownhills, opened the back doors and called a hault to this line of conversation, as the pretend swordfights would affect how the lorry handled on Watling Street.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Once on the move again, the talk was of a pack of wild dogs who had marked their territory on the Major Oak and made the area entirely unsafe for humans. Bob Whitehead agree with Shem Carver that the dogs were dangerous, and he also added that they wore medieval costumes and carried bone swords, a claim taken less than seriously but restated by Whitehead with oaths of the most grievous nature. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Not even Bob Whitehead, however, made any case for the existence of guwowees.\u00a0 This was purely the work of Frankie Nash, the oldest VCCCCCC.\u00a0 He spoke just as the battery-powered lamp gave out, so his face was mostly illuminated by the cigarettes of his audience, sitting around him cross-legged amid the tools and machinery, but even in this dramatic light we couldn\u2019t suspend our disbelief.\u00a0 The guwowees he described as jelly-like entities measuring around twelve feet in height, though this was an average as they were capable of adopting any shape.\u00a0 I decided at this point to adopt the shape of a sleeping human and didn\u2019t wake up until we reached the forest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Chimdy was not a member of the VCCCCCC, but his keen piloting and engineering skills had caught their attention.\u00a0 They had unsuccessfully invited him to join a couple of times, but in the end settled for his making the occasional guest appearance with them if it coincided with the Wolves\u2019 calendar; for The Vehicular Carpenters and Conifer Conveyance Constructors of Codsall and Castlecroft, a battle with Major Oak more than warranted the playing of their trump card.\u00a0 I was happy to help cart some of the gear towards the competition area and watch proceedings, but I had made it clear I wouldn\u2019t be getting my suit dirty with any chopping or sawing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Oddballs they might have been, but the VCCCCCC could certainly build.\u00a0 Within an hour they had felled a 60-year old Oak, made pretty sturdy axles from some lower branches and hewn out a cockpit from the trunk, while all the while singing the Anthem of the Vehicular Carpenters and Conveyance Constructors of Codsall and Castlecroft, a loping slow waltz:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Chimdy was assiduous with the steering design \u2013 as pilot, his life would depend upon it in this densely wooded section of Sherwood. The choosing of the axle, from three the VCCCCCC had put together, was a case in point.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018It needs to handle, Bob!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018I know, George, but the weight\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Give me a choice between a broken axle and an oak to the face I\u2019ll take the broken axle. But it looks strong enough to me anyway\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018You know, we\u2019ve been doing this a while\u2026,\u2019 said Bob. I understood where he was coming from. I knew he respected Chimdy, but he did have experience with wood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Give me the narrower one; I\u2019ll manage,\u2019 said Chimdy, in a way that was calm but also authoritative. The discussion was over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Half an hour later, Major Oak wheeled their cart from their preparation area behind some gorse, to join the VCCCCCC creation at the start lline (vehicles were never named in these competitions, probably due to them only seeing out a single race).\u00a0 Dougie Winterton and Fred Giles were trying to sand down the nose a bit more, but it was ready, its steering reins hanging over the cockpit wall.\u00a0 Chimdy looked over at the Major Oak pilot, a pointy, moustachioed man, and nodded.\u00a0 Then a third man emerged from the crowd and climbed into the Major Oak vehicle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Copilots?\u2019 shouted Shem Carver.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Yeah.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018What are yow on aboot?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018April races eralways copiloted.\u00a0 You need ter get ter more away games, pal.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some conference took place amongst the VCCCCCC. I didn\u2019t really know why. Major Oak were the sport\u2019s royalty, and nobody spends three hours building a log cart and then not race it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Finally Chimdy split away from the group and walked towards me. \u2018Get in,\u2019 he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Me?\u2019 I said, \u2018Surely one of the lads will want to ride. It\u2019s their hard work after all\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018I know,\u2019 he said, \u2018but whichever one they picked would always want to interfere. Just sit there and enjoy the view.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n So we climbed in \u2013 it was a bit of squeeze, in truth, given that the cockpit hadn\u2019t been hewn for two \u2013 and waited for the guy holding the leafy branch to bring his arm down. When he did there was a concerted heave from the VC6\u2019s behind the vehicle and we began careering down the hill towards the Major Oak. I admit it was a thrill, and wouldn\u2019t have swapped my place now for all those ethical concerns. Chimdy weaved through the trees expertly, and took a healthy lead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That\u2019s when I felt it. One look to my right confirmed that Chimdy had felt it too. Before I\u2019d even asked he said, without taking his eyes off the track, \u201cAxle.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n I braced myself and felt a bump on the underside of the log.\u00a0 We were still [bump!<\/em>] travelling, still ahead; the incline might [bump!<\/em>] even see us to the Major Oak, looming up around three [bump!<\/em>] hundred yards away.\u00a0 But equally the log might [bump!<\/em>] just disintegrate, get stuck in the ground.\u00a0 We came to a stop. I looked around and saw the Foresters gaining ground quickly.\u00a0 I looked at Chimdy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018We\u2019ve lost this,\u2019 I said, but he didn\u2019t reply. He was looking ahead with a mixture of wonder and fear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I turned to see what he was looking at.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A large jelly-like object had emerged \u2013 I had no idea where from \u2013 and it reached out towards Major Oak\u2019s cart as it overtook us.\u00a0 Quickly the blob formed hands and trapped the vehicle and then launched it powerfully back up the hill.\u00a0 I saw its crew fall out, the spoiler they had fitted to the back break.\u00a0 I also saw some of their number break ranks and run away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Get out and push!\u2019 said Chimdy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018What?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018We need to win this,\u2019 he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018What if it comes back?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Jack Dudley has put eight bob on this race.\u00a0 Now who are you more scared of?\u00a0 The guwowees or Margaret Dudley?<\/p>\n\n\n\n I got out and pushed us over the line, helped by a few VC6\u2019ers who were fleeing the carnage above.\u00a0 Jack won his money, the Wolves won a consolation victory, and The Vehicular Carpenters and Conifer Conveyance Constructors of Codsall and Castlecroft were on the map as a team to be reckoned with.\u00a0 All in all not a bad day out and one with plenty of talking points to cover in the William Gunn afterwards.\u00a0 Up the Wolves!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" In the world of high-stakes, low-tech racing, a little bit of luck can make all the difference…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":878,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-876","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/876","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=876"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/876\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=876"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=876"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonbys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=876"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}The\u2026\nVCC-CCC-C we are,\nWe travel quite near and sometimes quite far\nWe chop with our axes and saw with our saws\nAt speeds the world never has seen before\n\nThe carts that we make are not built to last\nBut if you\u2019ve got a hill they\u2019ll go ever so fast\nIf you\u2019re good with a chopper it\u2019s never too late\nTo join the VCCCCCC, my mate.<\/em>\n<\/pre>\n\n\n\n